I'm a mess

It turns out, shockingly, not all mental health is created equal, even for the same person. When I was first diagnosed with mental health issues over a decade ago it went pretty quick.  I took a leave from work, did some intensive outpatient work, got on a drug regiment and life was back to “normal” in a pretty short time frame.

This time though, everything sucks. I have tried multiple different medications so far with no successes and seem to be getting worse on a daily basis. I’m struggling with some hardcore depression and anxiety right now. Which is an odd combo given that depression makes you feel so down that even basic tasks are difficult. While anxiety makes you so fired up over the littlest thing you can’t settle yourself down. It’s an interesting dynamic. Every day I wake up is a surprise on whether it will be a more depression filled day or more anxiety filled day. It’s really not something I would wish upon anyone. It’s a shit way to live your life honestly.

I’m not quite sure when normalcy will return this time.  I’ve been out of work since August, and I don’t foresee going back anytime soon.  I think work would cause me to relapse into a greater depression (if that’s even possible) and it’s honestly not worth the risk. All I can do is try to face one day at a time, and hope it’s better than the previous. Not an easy task, especially being improperly medicated, but it’s all I’ve got at the moment.